I’ve Wasted Half My Life on the Internet: YTMND.

I’ve come to an epiphany, my life has clearly reached a turning point where I must wisely choose my path. After plugging the numbers into Wolfram Alpha, I have determined that I’ve clocked half of my life into the internet. While the effects of staring at a monitor for such an extended period of time have yet to be determined, I can say with absolute certainty that…

serious business cat

  • The only reason people call me is to fix their computer.
  • I maybe leave the house twice a year.
  • I’m “slightly” overweight.
  • My only girlfriend left me after two weeks.
  • I like this video way too much.

That’s settled then. Clearly, I’ve wasted the prime of my life. I should immediately start recanting my mistakes by finally going outside and saying hello to the world.

*LOUD KNOCKING ON THE DOOR TO MY BASEMENT…*

Me Gusta: Uh, hello there?

Closed Basement Door: Hi! Can I come in?

Me Gusta: Uh, maybe?


*DOOR FLINGS OPEN, LEX LUTHOR ENTERS THE ROOM*

Lex Luthor

: Come on, let me hear you say it just once.

Me Gusta

: . . . Are you Kevin Spacey?


Lex Luthor

: No, no, the other thing.

Me Gusta

: The Internet is ruini- –


Lex Luthor says it

: WRONG!!!


*THE SOUND WAVES OF LEX’S SCREAM DESTROY ALL.*

Lex is right that I’m wrong. The Internet didn’t turn me into me, I did that perfectly fine on my own. In fact, I’m willing to say that the Internet has inspired me to do far more than any other medium; e.g., if I finish writing this blog post, I can reward myself with delicious Taco Bell. Therefore, the internet has inspired me to inspire myself with Taco Bell in order to inspire myself to use the internet more so I can be inspired to get more Taco Ball and then I can go find a goat and, etc, etc, etc. Aside from the proverbial Taco Bell carrot (Does Taco Bell even serve anything with carrots?), browsing the internet opened up a new world to me as a kid. Finally, I could vent my sexual frustrations, my social frustrations, my pent up creative urges, and catch a laugh all in front  one screen (occasionally all at the same time), and one of the first sites which inspired me do such was YTMND.

*INTERJECTION!*

Lex Luthor: What’s with the Internet and ridiculous acronyms? Seriously, I think more people played Ridge Racer than have visited YNMTD. See ya! I’m going back to /b for the lulz.

Me Gusta

: No Lex, you can’t go back to /b, and neither can you Mr. Person-Who-Is-Reading-This-Blog-Post-And-Thinking, “Why the Hell am I reading this blog post?”

*NOW…*

  • For the people kersnuffling, “What the Hell is YTMND?”
      1. What was notable about this website was the amusing and tackycombination of sound, picture, and echoing text. Seeing as the Internet was a very boring place back in 2001 (Youtube didn’t exist until 2005, *GASP!*) people started imitating this website and began creating their own YTMNDs with other movie quotes. Before long, Max got the brilliant idea to make a community out of this madness which became the YTMND we know today. (If you want to know more, you might look here.)

      Concerning those proud kersnufflers lumped into this category, YTMND stands for, “You’re the Man Now Dog.” This is a somewhat famous quote spoken by Sean Connery in the movie Finding Forrester. After seeing the movie, an enterprising New Yorker named Max Goldberg – who was clearly amused by Connery’s attempt to linguistically connect with America’s disconnected urban youth – decided he needed to pay homage to the quote with a website.

    1. And for the people loudly mestaculating, “Why the hell are you talking about YTMND? That shitty site hasn’t had its Yiddish Cup since 2006.”
        Why don’t you consider giving YTMND another chance? Suprisingly, YTMNDis still relevant because of the sheer amount of content it contains, the small die hard basement-dwelling community it still maintains, and because of the potential for creativity that it has always had. YTMND provides users with a creative template that, IMHO, has yet to be surpassed. It still shocks me the interesting things that people come up within the limits of YTMND.

        Nowhere else will you find such a varied and interesting group of web pages lumped together. Go ahead, go back (just try to ignore the new funeral parlor theme) and take a look at the classics. I guarantee you’ll suddenly remember why YTMND was so great. Alternatively, take a look at some of YTMND’s new features and see if that brings the old spark back. Also, Max finally murdered the site’s dependence on Quicktime, and that alone is reason to rejoice.

    2. *COMMENDATION!*


      Lex Luthor says it

      : Ya know, this site is kinda funny. Maybe, I should check it out.

      Me Gusta

      : Yes, Lex, you should.


      *AND CONCLUSION!*

      YTMND was an integral part of growing up for me, and even now I proudly consider myself a member of this strange little community. Obviously, I have a nostalgia driven by memories that few in today’s world could actually share; YTMND was a much different place back in 2006. However, I hold a hope that if enough people spread the word, and if enough people find the brilliance hidden within this site, then maybe YTMND can once again truly entertain the Internet. I implore you to go take a look, register, and create a site (it doesn’t have to complicated). Don’t forget to come back here and share the lulz in the comments, I’ll be looking forward to seeing what you’ve made. Clearly, I have nothing better to do.